Dya Singh (Australia)*

In the year 1999, out of four ‘Sikh’ marriages in South Australia, two have been of ‘mixed’ couples, between a Sikh and a non-Sikh. Generally it will appear, at the moment, two out of three marriages in Australia, of Sikh girls and boys are with partners who are not Sikhs. It is not uncommon to see marriage photographs in our national Punjabi and English newspapers of a beautiful Sikh girl standing beside a white man in a suit, resplendent in a bright red turban, denoting that they have just had an ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony. Unfortunately, that is probably the first, and last time he will be wearing a turban.

This essay is not about the alarming rise in ‘mixed’ marriages - an issue which needs to be addressed by our community but about the ‘abuse’ of the sacred ceremony of Anand Karaj - as enjoined in ‘Rehat Maryada’.

I have myself in the past conducted the ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony of ‘mixed’ couples taking some pains in getting them to understand the ‘Lavan’, Sikhism, etc., before the occasion. But over the last fifteen years or so, I have observed, that unless the couple are serious about living their lives as Sikhs (of which there are notable examples in Adelaide itself) then, to invoke the Anand Karaj ceremony for a couple who have no intention to live as ‘Sikhs’ and bring up their offsprings as ‘Sikhs’, is sacrilegious.

In fact, it has become fashionable to have two religious ceremonies! I have difficulty in understanding taking vows twice, sometimes three times. I have witnessed an ‘Anand Karaj’ in the morning followed by a ‘civil’ ceremony as the ‘celebrant’ insists on conducting the "I do’s" again. This is followed in the afternoon with a ‘white’ wedding, officiated by a Christian priest, normally in some Botanical Gardens.

Recently there was a ‘mixed’ wedding in Sydney where, on the one hand, there was the Guru Granth Sahib prakash to conduct an ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony, while a Brahmin pundit busied himself around a ‘havan’ close by in the same hall waiting to conduct a ‘hindu’ ceremony immediately after the ‘Anand Karaj’!

I believe greater Sikh spiritual significance should be observed for an Anand Karaj ceremony. An Islamic ‘Nikah’ ceremony is a solemned ceremony taking place between a Moslem man and a Moslem woman. There are no two ways about that. An Anglican church wedding ceremony is between two Anglican followers. In fact, in a church only a Christian couple can get married. In certain cases a ‘mixed couple within Christianity have to retake their vows pledging a change in their denomination before a Christian wedding takes place in a church. The same applies to Judaism. Why is it that we have allowed ourselves to abuse our very sacred ceremony of Anand Karaj? The sacred ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony has been reduced to a spectacle, rather than a solemn, religious ceremony joining a Sikh couple in holy matrimony and also enjoining them to the path of godliness through Sikhism.

The only attention that we have had from Akal Takht about Anand Karaj is to pass a ‘hukamnama’ that an Anand Karaj ceremony should only take place in a Gurdwara! A ‘hukamnama‘ which serves very little use except to stop the abuse of the ‘site’ of the Anand Karaj, with liquor and meat after the event. The ‘sacredness’ of the ceremony is, with time, deteriorating. It needs greater awareness and urgent attention.

I believe that the sacred ceremony of Anand Karaj should be treated with greater respect as one of the ‘main’ four sacred ceremonies of Sikhism. The other being the ‘Janam Sanskar’/Naming ceremony of a child born to ‘Sikh’ parents; the ‘Amrit’ ceremony when a Sikh decides to take on the mantle of a ‘Khalsa’; and finally the ‘Antam Sanskar’, the last rites on passing away.

Now coming back to ‘mixed’ marriages. How do we ‘accept’ a mixed couple for an ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony ?

I have used the word Sikh in inverted commas in most cases above for a reason. That reason being that the term ‘Sikh’ is loosely used for anyone who is born within a Sikh family. It does not even spell out whether he/she is one who is at least a ‘keshadhari’. I will not dwell on that issue too, as that is not my purpose here. This essay is not about attempting to define Amritdhari, Keshadhari, Patit, Sehajdhari or non-Sikh.

It is still common practice at an Anand Karaj ceremony for the officiating granthi/Sikh celebrant to advise the couple that ‘if they have not yet taken amrit then it is their spiritual duty to stay within the fold of Sikhism, raise their offsprings within Sikhism and aspire to take amrit as soon as possible’. (Even where the above is concerned, I have on occasions been advised not to mention ‘amrit’ especially the keeping of unshorn hair!)

I suggest that before an ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony can take place between a non-Sikh and a Sikh, then the non-Sikh should commit himself/herself to becoming a ‘Sikh’.

The ideal situation is if both of them take ‘amrit’ before the ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony. The second most ideal situation is if both of them are ‘Sikhs’ and committee themselves to a path of Sikhism with a view to taking ‘amrit’ in the near future and bringing up their children within the Sikh fold.

How does a non-Sikh become a ‘Sikh’ for the purposes of marrying a ‘Sikh’. He/she should be asked to fulfill the following:-

There should be a subsidiary to Anand Karaj ceremony, in which a ‘Janam-Sanskar’ ceremony is carried out. The officiating Sikh should prepare ‘Janam Sanskar’ amrit which is administered, followed by Ardas done in which the non-Sikh party is welcomed into the fold of Sikhism. A hukamnama read out and a Sikh name bestowed as per the first letter of the Hukam-Nama. In short, the non-Sikh should make a commitment to become a Sikh with a view to moving up the ladder from ‘sehajdhari’, to ‘Keshadhari’ to ‘Amritdhari’.

If the non-Sikh does not wish to make such a commitment then no ‘Anand Karaj’ ceremony should be conducted though an Ardas and Jorh-Mela can be carried out for the couple’s well-being. I would then strongly recommend that the Sikh party should consider taking on the religion of the spouse as I believe that the offspring should have the chance of being brought up in one religion or as free thinkers as some would like it. I have seen Sikh/Christian couples alternate in taking their offsprings to Gurdwara one week and to the church the next. Such couples achieve very little with their children on their spiritual level - it, I believe, leads to total confusion/indifference on the part of the off-springs.

My purpose for writing this essay is primarily to highlight the abuse of the Anand-Karaj ceremony as a public spectacle and a means of appeasing the Sikh parents, grandparents and relatives. Like religious wedding ceremonies of other great religious, the ‘Anand-Karaj’ is sacred and must be observed as such.

I hope and pray that our esteemed leaders, Gurdwara committees, Sikh thinkers and Sikhs generally will give this matter greater thought. There are going to be more and more mixed marriages into the future, Sikhs should show greater reverence to their own marriage ceremony - the ‘Anand Karaj’.